When Productivity Is Toxic

While we are sheltering at home, I wonder what we are up to. Are we pushing ourselves to do more in our work/home lives? Have we made loaves of bread that would put bakers in France to shame? Have we taught ourselves a new language? Written a screenplay? Knitted booties for preemies? Redone the basement? If not, shouldn’t we be doing these things... and more?

The answer, to put it gently, is not at all. Setting goals for how we should be using all this “extra time” to check things off our to-do lists seems like something good, yet it can in fact become what I like to call “Toxic Productivity.”

Productivity is Bad?

It becomes toxic when it shuts us off from the things that we need in our lives. When work becomes all-encompassing to the point where nothing else matters, is a very strong red-light that we are overwhelming ourselves.

We may not even notice that our stay-at-home work ethic is unhealthy. Take a moment to assess. Are we forgetting or working through our need to eat, drink, sleep, or go to the bathroom?  

Our partner/family members may be telling us that we're “always working,” “never around” or “always on our phone.” What they mean is, "We miss you. We need you. Please spend time with us.” 

Shouldn’t We “Do More”?

It may seem counterintuitive to say so, but let’s think about productivity. Being a productive person is wonderful, when we are feeling great about it, and when we aren’t it can send us down a spiral of self-doubt and depression. When we expect more from ourselves than we can produce in a healthy way; this is the definition of  “Toxic Productivity”. You can find a more in-depth description and coping strategies here.  

We are absolutely in unprecedented times right now. Our homes have become our world, offices, daycare and schools for our children. Some of us are still working, some of us are trying to find things to do, and many of us, no matter what our situation, are feeling overwhelmed. 

Guess what? That means we are human. It’s ok to become more productive, just as it is ok to feel that you can’t do any more than you are. It’s human to feel stuck and unmotivated right now. And it’s even fine to take this time to breathe.

How to Get Unstuck

There is no one perfect way to get motivated. Our motivation cues differ, just as we do. We can try setting more realistic goals, taking timed breaks throughout the day to meditate, check-in with family and friends, to connect with others in the outside world. (Thanks to video conferencing we can see those we care about, even if we can’t be in the same place.) We’ve seen friends dancing, singing, reading more and all of these can be joyful pursuits that take us out of our slump.

The number one thing to remember is to treat ourselves as we would treat others. We empathize when our family and friends are overwhelmed, and we can do the same for the person we see in the mirror. It’s ok to take all morning to get out of your pj’s. It’s ok to not start or finish the reorganizing project. Let your friends do the sourdough baking (and hopefully they will safely share some with you) while you cheer them on.

It’s ok not to be uber productive. We all, at one time or another in this isolating time, will feel uncomfortable and unsure. We are all human and we are all in this together. 

Reaching out and communicating the positives and negatives of the situation with others brings us all closer together in this time of isolation. All feelings are always allowed!  If I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out.  All of my information can be found here. 

Teens and The Social Media Struggle

The Social Media Struggle with teens is REAL and is by far one of the biggest frustrations facing most parents I see in my practice. Let’s be frank, many of us adults are participants in the social media frenzy, as it has become an integral part of our lives and business’. Whether you are catching up with friends on Facebook, peddling your wares on Pinterest or loving the puppy pics on Instagram, 7 out of 10 of us are utilizing these platforms.

We Fear The Worst

As for our teenage children, we may fear the worst when it comes to their screen time.  This article here addresses how more time on social media is associated with depression, low self-esteem, body image issues, anxiety, social isolation, loneliness and perpetuates eating disorders and self-harm behaviors. 

The positive effects of social media have been found to be directly related to the social aspect. Teens can be current on what's going on in their social group and support one another, which is a plus. Yet when a teenager spends more than 3 hours a day of screen time on these platforms, the negative influences; like rumor spreading, lack of in-person contact, unrealistic views of others’ lives, peer pressure, and mental health issues have been shown to be the most degrading for our teen's mental health. 

Exploration and Direction

It’s important to keep in mind that teenagers want and need direction. We know that a normal part of the development of a teenager is a biologically driven need for exploration, which enables them to acquire experience to prepare them for the complex decisions they will be making when they get to adulthood. Setting boundaries and creating guidelines gives them the freedom to traverse the social media landscape while sustaining a more stable interaction. 

Tracking your Teen

Setting limits on your teenagers by tracking their social media time may seem hypocritical when you, the adult, are also utilizing the space. Yes, our brains should be stronger when it comes to social interactions and able to recognize the sliver of reality that the landscape represents. That isn’t always the truth though, is it? Facebook, Instagram and the like, often have us comparing ourselves negatively to others as we may feel that our lives are not as adventurous, exciting or romantic. 

Modeling Behavior

By modeling the limits on our own behaviors for our teenagers we can help them while also helping ourselves. Try setting social media time limits for all of you; as a family. Turn off phone notifications when you are home so you don’t feel triggered to check whenever you receive a new notification. You can also have “phone-free zones” like the kitchen or dining room. 

A nighttime social media curfew will give your teen a boundary that will ease their interaction anxiety. “Sorry, my parents won’t let me text after 10 pm” is an easier opt-out for them if they fear the pressure of their peers. You can find more ideas for easing you and your teen's time on social media here.

Moving Forward

As hard as it is for our teenagers to imagine the world we grew up in, without cell phone’s Facebook and Instagram; it’s just as hard for us adults to imagine our lives now, without them. Navigating a teenager through the social media landscape can be confusing and worrisome when these platforms are now such an inherent part of our lives.

As always, if I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out! All of my information can be found here.