Make Mindfulness Fun

{This article was first published in Elephant Journal on July 11, 2017}

Since the original post, the world has shifted. It's now nearing the end of 2020 - with COVID taking up most of our year- and it's become crystal clear that it's time to take a look at ourselves and take responsibility for what is going on in our world. One child at a time, one family at a time, one community at a time, building toward a future in which we all feel safe and unafraid of one another. We must work together to educate our children and provide them with the necessary tools they will need for a successful future.

3 Tips to Make Mindfulness Fun for your Children.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Kids are like sponges—they absorb everything.”

When uttered, this phrase is typically used as a warning to parents or their guests: “Whatever you do, don’t mess up—the kids are watching!” One bad word and you’ve got an adorable three-year-old walking around saying something she shouldn’t to your in-laws.

Something that is often forgotten about the “kids are like sponges” sentiment, though, is that they also absorb good things.

As an adult, kids look up to you and watch to see how you react and interact with the world around you. In a time where kids and adults alike seem unable to separate from their screens, practicing mindfulness in your life, and showing your children how to be mindful, can have immeasurable benefits.

I often see kids in my practice who are anxious or who struggle with other cognitive hurdles, like ADHD. I have found that introducing kids to mindfulness exercises and games can help them immensely when they’re feeling overwhelmed or out of control.

Start with yourself.

Do you already practice mindfulness in your everyday life? If you do, that’s great: You’re one step closer to having a mindful child. Kids look to you for how to behave. So, if you don’t have your own mindfulness routine yet, start one. It can just be a few minutes a day, but getting into this habit will help you as you guide your child on their own path. There are tons of resources available online if you need a little boost to see how to start practicing mindfulness in your daily routine.

Mindfulness is fun!

People frequently come up to me and say that they’d love to teach their kids to be more mindful, but they have trouble getting them to stay still for 30 seconds. It’s something I’ve heard a million times and my answer is always the same: Make a game out of it! Kids love games, and games are a great way to introduce them to the concept of mindfulness.

Tip: Make sure the game is age-appropriate, and don’t worry about calling it a mindfulness game or not—it’s just a game that incorporates mindfulness. Consider taking a walk around the neighborhood, and devote 30-60 seconds to a “listening game.” What do they hear? Birds? Cars? The wind through the trees? A simple exercise like this can plant the seed in your kids to be more aware of the world around them.

Mindfulness is calming.

Right before bedtime is a great time to practice mindfulness with your kids. While they’re laying down, and after you’ve read them their story, guide them through an exercise that brings an awareness to their body: “Gently scrunch up your toes. Okay, now un-scrunch them. Feel the muscles in your legs. Feel them get heavier. Picture your belly and take a deep breath in. Now, breathe out.”

There are lots of body-awareness scripts available online, too, to help you get the hang of this one. The quiet of the house and your soothing voice make this a great time of day to pass along mindfulness to your kids.

Remember: mindfulness doesn’t happen overnight, and it is not a “cure” for an unruly or rebellious child. However, mindfulness is a tool that you can equip your child with that can serve her well for years to come. Simply being aware of our surroundings and how we fit into our environment is a step in the right direction.

When Productivity Is Toxic

While we are sheltering at home, I wonder what we are up to. Are we pushing ourselves to do more in our work/home lives? Have we made loaves of bread that would put bakers in France to shame? Have we taught ourselves a new language? Written a screenplay? Knitted booties for preemies? Redone the basement? If not, shouldn’t we be doing these things... and more?

The answer, to put it gently, is not at all. Setting goals for how we should be using all this “extra time” to check things off our to-do lists seems like something good, yet it can in fact become what I like to call “Toxic Productivity.”

Productivity is Bad?

It becomes toxic when it shuts us off from the things that we need in our lives. When work becomes all-encompassing to the point where nothing else matters, is a very strong red-light that we are overwhelming ourselves.

We may not even notice that our stay-at-home work ethic is unhealthy. Take a moment to assess. Are we forgetting or working through our need to eat, drink, sleep, or go to the bathroom?  

Our partner/family members may be telling us that we're “always working,” “never around” or “always on our phone.” What they mean is, "We miss you. We need you. Please spend time with us.” 

Shouldn’t We “Do More”?

It may seem counterintuitive to say so, but let’s think about productivity. Being a productive person is wonderful, when we are feeling great about it, and when we aren’t it can send us down a spiral of self-doubt and depression. When we expect more from ourselves than we can produce in a healthy way; this is the definition of  “Toxic Productivity”. You can find a more in-depth description and coping strategies here.  

We are absolutely in unprecedented times right now. Our homes have become our world, offices, daycare and schools for our children. Some of us are still working, some of us are trying to find things to do, and many of us, no matter what our situation, are feeling overwhelmed. 

Guess what? That means we are human. It’s ok to become more productive, just as it is ok to feel that you can’t do any more than you are. It’s human to feel stuck and unmotivated right now. And it’s even fine to take this time to breathe.

How to Get Unstuck

There is no one perfect way to get motivated. Our motivation cues differ, just as we do. We can try setting more realistic goals, taking timed breaks throughout the day to meditate, check-in with family and friends, to connect with others in the outside world. (Thanks to video conferencing we can see those we care about, even if we can’t be in the same place.) We’ve seen friends dancing, singing, reading more and all of these can be joyful pursuits that take us out of our slump.

The number one thing to remember is to treat ourselves as we would treat others. We empathize when our family and friends are overwhelmed, and we can do the same for the person we see in the mirror. It’s ok to take all morning to get out of your pj’s. It’s ok to not start or finish the reorganizing project. Let your friends do the sourdough baking (and hopefully they will safely share some with you) while you cheer them on.

It’s ok not to be uber productive. We all, at one time or another in this isolating time, will feel uncomfortable and unsure. We are all human and we are all in this together. 

Reaching out and communicating the positives and negatives of the situation with others brings us all closer together in this time of isolation. All feelings are always allowed!  If I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out.  All of my information can be found here. 

Keeping Balance

I was talking to a fellow yogi the other day and our conversation naturally turned toward the idea of balance. She is a work from home mom of eight children, the youngest being 8 months old! She struggles daily to keep balance on many different levels. There is the balance of taking care of the children, the house, her business and other commitments. There is the balance of relationships with her children, her husband, her friends and her family. Maybe most importantly, there is the balance within herself – mind, heart, body and soul. In a perfect world all of these things would ebb and flow sweetly, pushing and pulling together into a symphony of beauty. We do not live in a perfect world! How do we balance all of our commitments, relationships, and our own sweet spirit in the midst of so much busyness and sometimes even chaos?

Balance is a common need for so many people. In our rush, rush, rush, super-efficient, every moment posted on social media for the world to see daily lives our society is starting to see the need for calm.   We are starting to see the need to be still. Yoga is a long practiced proven, healthy and positive way to gain the calm and stillness that we seek. Yoga will bring balance whether you have a consistent home practice, take a class at the local gym or a combination of the two. The benefits of yoga are endless for balancing both your mind and body, which in turn helps to balance all aspects of your life.

There is a quote by Mahatma Gandhi that goes:

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.

Our beliefs and our thoughts lead to our destiny! Balance starts in your own mind. This is why it is so vital that in order to gain balance in life that you begin with meditation. Learning to quiet your mind will help you to free yourself from limiting and negative thoughts. Connecting to your own thoughts in such an intimate way will bring your own intuition, dreams and desires forward. This will lead to a healthy balance of negative and positive emotions.

Your emotions then in turn help to balance your body. It is a well known fact in the practice of yoga that we carry our emotions in our bodies. By creating balance in your thoughts you also create balance in your emotions which affects your body.

The practice of yoga is also physically balancing to your body. Yoga aids your body in releasing negative energy such as anger, stress, frustration, insecurities, etc. When this happens it creates a shift between the positive and negative energies in your physical body, bringing balance to them. That balance allows more positive energy within your body such as dreaming, joy, patience, peace, love, kindness, gentleness, etc. That balance can also relieve physical pain in your body allowing you more freedom in life.

Think of the yin and yang symbol that is used to represent balance. There is both positive and negative energy within the sphere and they are in perfect balance (the same amount). There is even a spot of light in the dark side and a spot of dark in the light side. The “line” between them is not straight, which I love! I believe that shows that either side can move into the other creating an imbalance. When I look at the yin and yang symbol I see that it is always in motion.

So, you see balance is not something that you work hard toward one time and then everything is perfect. It is like most of life… a constant ebb and flow, give and take, push and pull until every once in a while you get that beautiful balance. The process of gaining that balance is part of the reward of achieving balance within. So, learn to love the process! Take joy in the learning to bring your own beliefs, thoughts, words, actions, habits, values and destiny into balance.

Get on your mats every day and quiet your mind!