teens and social medi

Make Mindfulness Fun

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{This article was first published in Elephant Journal on July 11, 2017}

Since the original post, the world has shifted. It's now nearing the end of 2020 - with COVID taking up most of our year- and it's become crystal clear that it's time to take a look at ourselves and take responsibility for what is going on in our world. One child at a time, one family at a time, one community at a time, building toward a future in which we all feel safe and unafraid of one another. We must work together to educate our children and provide them with the necessary tools they will need for a successful future.

3 Tips to Make Mindfulness Fun for your Children.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Kids are like sponges—they absorb everything.”

When uttered, this phrase is typically used as a warning to parents or their guests: “Whatever you do, don’t mess up—the kids are watching!” One bad word and you’ve got an adorable three-year-old walking around saying something she shouldn’t to your in-laws.

Something that is often forgotten about the “kids are like sponges” sentiment, though, is that they also absorb good things.

As an adult, kids look up to you and watch to see how you react and interact with the world around you. In a time where kids and adults alike seem unable to separate from their screens, practicing mindfulness in your life, and showing your children how to be mindful, can have immeasurable benefits.

I often see kids in my practice who are anxious or who struggle with other cognitive hurdles, like ADHD. I have found that introducing kids to mindfulness exercises and games can help them immensely when they’re feeling overwhelmed or out of control.

Start with yourself.

Do you already practice mindfulness in your everyday life? If you do, that’s great: You’re one step closer to having a mindful child. Kids look to you for how to behave. So, if you don’t have your own mindfulness routine yet, start one. It can just be a few minutes a day, but getting into this habit will help you as you guide your child on their own path. There are tons of resources available online if you need a little boost to see how to start practicing mindfulness in your daily routine.

Mindfulness is fun!

People frequently come up to me and say that they’d love to teach their kids to be more mindful, but they have trouble getting them to stay still for 30 seconds. It’s something I’ve heard a million times and my answer is always the same: Make a game out of it! Kids love games, and games are a great way to introduce them to the concept of mindfulness.

Tip: Make sure the game is age-appropriate, and don’t worry about calling it a mindfulness game or not—it’s just a game that incorporates mindfulness. Consider taking a walk around the neighborhood, and devote 30-60 seconds to a “listening game.” What do they hear? Birds? Cars? The wind through the trees? A simple exercise like this can plant the seed in your kids to be more aware of the world around them.

Mindfulness is calming.

Right before bedtime is a great time to practice mindfulness with your kids. While they’re laying down, and after you’ve read them their story, guide them through an exercise that brings an awareness to their body: “Gently scrunch up your toes. Okay, now un-scrunch them. Feel the muscles in your legs. Feel them get heavier. Picture your belly and take a deep breath in. Now, breathe out.”

There are lots of body-awareness scripts available online, too, to help you get the hang of this one. The quiet of the house and your soothing voice make this a great time of day to pass along mindfulness to your kids.

Remember: mindfulness doesn’t happen overnight, and it is not a “cure” for an unruly or rebellious child. However, mindfulness is a tool that you can equip your child with that can serve her well for years to come. Simply being aware of our surroundings and how we fit into our environment is a step in the right direction.

Teens and The Social Media Struggle

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The Social Media Struggle with teens is REAL and is by far one of the biggest frustrations facing most parents I see in my practice. Let’s be frank, many of us adults are participants in the social media frenzy, as it has become an integral part of our lives and business’. Whether you are catching up with friends on Facebook, peddling your wares on Pinterest or loving the puppy pics on Instagram, 7 out of 10 of us are utilizing these platforms.

We Fear The Worst

As for our teenage children, we may fear the worst when it comes to their screen time.  This article here addresses how more time on social media is associated with depression, low self-esteem, body image issues, anxiety, social isolation, loneliness and perpetuates eating disorders and self-harm behaviors. 

The positive effects of social media have been found to be directly related to the social aspect. Teens can be current on what's going on in their social group and support one another, which is a plus. Yet when a teenager spends more than 3 hours a day of screen time on these platforms, the negative influences; like rumor spreading, lack of in-person contact, unrealistic views of others’ lives, peer pressure, and mental health issues have been shown to be the most degrading for our teen's mental health. 

Exploration and Direction

It’s important to keep in mind that teenagers want and need direction. We know that a normal part of the development of a teenager is a biologically driven need for exploration, which enables them to acquire experience to prepare them for the complex decisions they will be making when they get to adulthood. Setting boundaries and creating guidelines gives them the freedom to traverse the social media landscape while sustaining a more stable interaction. 

Tracking your Teen

Setting limits on your teenagers by tracking their social media time may seem hypocritical when you, the adult, are also utilizing the space. Yes, our brains should be stronger when it comes to social interactions and able to recognize the sliver of reality that the landscape represents. That isn’t always the truth though, is it? Facebook, Instagram and the like, often have us comparing ourselves negatively to others as we may feel that our lives are not as adventurous, exciting or romantic. 

Modeling Behavior

By modeling the limits on our own behaviors for our teenagers we can help them while also helping ourselves. Try setting social media time limits for all of you; as a family. Turn off phone notifications when you are home so you don’t feel triggered to check whenever you receive a new notification. You can also have “phone-free zones” like the kitchen or dining room. 

A nighttime social media curfew will give your teen a boundary that will ease their interaction anxiety. “Sorry, my parents won’t let me text after 10 pm” is an easier opt-out for them if they fear the pressure of their peers. You can find more ideas for easing you and your teen's time on social media here.

Moving Forward

As hard as it is for our teenagers to imagine the world we grew up in, without cell phone’s Facebook and Instagram; it’s just as hard for us adults to imagine our lives now, without them. Navigating a teenager through the social media landscape can be confusing and worrisome when these platforms are now such an inherent part of our lives.

As always, if I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out! All of my information can be found here