Finding Solace in Overwhelm: What Moms Can Do When They're at Capacity

Motherhood is a journey filled with boundless love, joy, and fulfillment, but it's also accompanied by its fair share of challenges and moments of being completely overwhelmed. As moms, we often find ourselves juggling numerous responsibilities, from managing households to nurturing relationships and pursuing personal endeavors. However, there are times when the weight of these obligations becomes too much to bear, leaving us feeling drained and at capacity.

So, what can moms do when they reach this point of overwhelm? Here are some strategies to help navigate through these challenging moments:

1. Prioritize Self-Care: It's crucial for moms to prioritize their well-being amidst the chaos of daily life. Whether it's taking a few moments to enjoy a cup of tea, going for a walk in nature, or indulging in a favorite hobby, carving out time for self-care is essential for replenishing the mind, body, and spirit.

2. Reach Out for Support: Moms don't have to navigate through tough times alone. Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups for a listening ear or practical assistance. Sometimes, just having someone to share your feelings with can provide immense relief and perspective.

3. Practice Mindfulness and Stress Reduction Techniques: Incorporating mindfulness and stress reduction techniques, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga, can help moms manage stress and cultivate a sense of calm amidst the chaos of daily life. These practices can be powerful tools for grounding oneself and gaining clarity during overwhelming moments.

4. Set Boundaries: Learning to say no and setting boundaries is essential for preserving energy and maintaining balance in life. It's okay to decline additional commitments or delegate tasks when feeling stretched thin. Prioritize activities that align with your values and bring you joy, and don't hesitate to politely decline anything that doesn't serve your well-being.

5. Embrace Imperfection: Let go of the unrealistic expectation of being a perfect mom. Embrace imperfection and recognize that it's okay to have messy moments and make mistakes along the way. Give yourself permission to be human and practice self-compassion during times of struggle.

6. Seek Professional Help if Needed: If feelings of overwhelm persist or become overwhelming, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can provide invaluable support and guidance. Therapy offers a safe space to explore emotions, develop coping strategies, and gain insights into managing stress and overwhelm effectively.

7. Remember, You're Not Alone: Finally, remember that you're not alone in experiencing moments of overwhelm. Countless moms navigate similar challenges and emotions on their journey through motherhood. Reach out to your community, seek support when needed, and remember that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

In closing, while moments of overwhelm are an inevitable part of motherhood, they don't have to define our experiences. By prioritizing self-care, seeking support, practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, embracing imperfection, and seeking professional help when needed, moms can navigate through challenging times with resilience and grace. Remember, you are stronger than you think, and you have the power to overcome any obstacle that comes your way.

Nurturing the Mental Load: A Compassionate Guide for Moms

Motherhood is a journey filled with love, joy, and countless rewarding moments. However, amid the laughter and hugs, there exists an invisible weight that many mothers carry—the mental load. This silent burden encompasses the endless list of tasks, worries, and responsibilities that often go unnoticed but heavily impact a mother's mental well-being.

The mental load encompasses everything from planning meals and organizing schedules to remembering doctor appointments and managing household chores. It's the constant mental juggling act that can leave even the most capable moms feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. As a result, it's crucial for mothers to acknowledge this load and practice self-compassion as they navigate the complexities of their roles.

Understanding the Mental Load

The mental load isn’t just about physically completing tasks; it's the emotional labor that accompanies them. It involves the mental gymnastics of remembering and managing various aspects of family life, often without explicit acknowledgment or appreciation. This silent weight can be emotionally draining and contribute to feelings of inadequacy or burnout.

Embracing Self-Compassion

To lighten this burden, it's essential for moms to embrace self-compassion. Here are a few steps to help mothers be more compassionate with themselves:

1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings

Recognize that it's okay to feel overwhelmed by the mental load. Validate your emotions without judgment. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step toward self-compassion.

2. Practice Self-Care

Prioritize self-care to recharge and replenish your mental and physical energy. Whether it's taking a bubble bath, reading a book, or simply having a quiet moment to yourself, these small acts of self-care can make a significant difference.

3. Set Realistic Expectations

Avoid the trap of perfectionism. Set realistic expectations for yourself. Understand that you can't do everything, and it's okay to ask for help or delegate tasks.

4. Foster Support Networks

Connect with other mothers who understand the mental load. Share experiences, seek advice, and offer support to create a network where you can lean on each other during challenging times.

5. Prioritize Mental Health

Seek professional help if the weight of the mental load becomes too heavy to bear alone. Therapists or counselors can provide valuable guidance and support.

Being Compassionate to Yourself

Being compassionate with oneself is not a luxury but a necessity, especially for mothers carrying the weight of the mental load. It's about acknowledging the efforts and resilience it takes to manage multiple responsibilities while nurturing a family. By recognizing and honoring the invisible labor you perform daily, you empower yourself to lighten the load and cultivate a healthier, more balanced life.

Remember, being a mom doesn't require perfection—it requires love, care, and the courage to be kind to oneself. Embracing self-compassion is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your strength and resilience as a mother.

Conclusion

The mental load of motherhood is a multifaceted challenge that often goes unnoticed. However, by acknowledging its existence and practicing self-compassion, moms can navigate this journey with greater resilience and ease. Embrace self-care, seek support, and prioritize your mental health. Remember, you are doing an incredible job, and being compassionate with yourself is a vital step toward a healthier, happier motherhood journey.

Monitoring Your Teen

Whether or not apps such as Live 360 violates a child's trust depends on how it is used and the specific circumstances surrounding its use. Here are some considerations:

1. Parental Consent: If parents use Live 360 to monitor their child's activities, it is essential to have open communication and obtain their child's consent whenever possible, especially if the child is old enough to understand the concept. Transparency and consent can help maintain trust.

2. Privacy Boundaries: Parents must respect their child's privacy and set clear boundaries. Invading a child's privacy without justification can erode trust and lead to feelings of mistrust and resentment.

3. Safety Concerns: In some cases, Live 360 might be used to ensure a child's safety, such as monitoring their location or checking in on them in unfamiliar situations. In such cases, explaining the safety reasons for using the technology can help maintain trust.

4. Age and Independence: As children grow older and become more independent, their need for privacy and trust becomes more critical. Parents should adapt their use of Live 360 accordingly, allowing older children more autonomy and privacy.

5. Open Communication: Open and honest communication between parents and children is key to maintaining trust. Parents should explain why they are using Live 360, and how it works, and address any concerns or questions their child may have.

6. Monitoring vs. Surveillance: There is a distinction between monitoring and surveillance. Monitoring involves respectful and agreed-upon supervision, while surveillance may involve secretive or invasive practices. Trust can be compromised if Live 360 is used as a surveillance tool without consent.

In summary, Live 360 may not inherently violate a child's trust, but how it is used and the context in which it is applied can significantly impact trust dynamics within a family. It is crucial for parents to strike a balance between safety and privacy, maintain open communication, and respect their children's autonomy as they grow and develop. Trust is built on mutual understanding, respect, and transparency, and parents should ensure that their use of Live 360 aligns with these principles.

Men & Mental Health

Men, like anyone else, may benefit from therapy for a variety of reasons. It's essential to recognize that therapy is not gender-specific; it can be helpful for individuals of all genders. Here are some reasons why men, in particular, might seek therapy:

1. Mental Health Concerns: Men can experience mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and stress, just like women. Therapy provides a safe space to explore and address these concerns, helping individuals learn coping strategies and gain emotional resilience.

2. Relationship Issues: Men may face challenges in their relationships with partners, family members, or friends. Therapy can help them navigate communication difficulties, conflicts, and improve relationship dynamics.

3. Work and Career Stress: The pressures of work, career decisions, or job loss can impact men's mental health. Therapy can help men manage workplace stress, develop career goals, and make decisions about their professional lives.

4. Trauma and PTSD: Men can experience trauma from various sources, such as combat, accidents, or childhood abuse. Therapy, including trauma-focused therapies, can help men process these experiences and work towards healing.

5. Substance Abuse and Addiction: Substance abuse issues are not gender-specific. Men who struggle with substance abuse can benefit from therapy to address the underlying causes and develop strategies for recovery.

6. Identity and Self-Exploration: Men, like women, may grapple with questions about their identity, purpose, and life goals. Therapy can be a valuable tool for self-exploration and personal growth.

7. Grief and Loss: Coping with the loss of a loved one can be emotionally challenging for anyone. Therapy provides a supportive environment to navigate the grieving process.

8. Anger Management: Men, in some cases, may struggle with anger management. Therapy can help individuals understand the underlying causes of their anger and develop healthier ways to express and manage it.

9. Parenting and Family Issues: Men who are fathers or caregivers may seek therapy to improve their parenting skills, address family conflicts, or navigate co-parenting after a separation or divorce.

10. Sexual and Intimacy Concerns: Men may face issues related to sexual function, intimacy, or relationship satisfaction. Therapy can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to address these concerns.

11. Self-Esteem and Confidence: Some men may struggle with self-esteem and confidence issues, which can impact their overall well-being. Therapy can help individuals build self-confidence and develop a positive self-image.

12. Stress Management: Therapy can teach men effective stress management techniques, which are crucial for overall mental and physical health.

It's important to remember that seeking therapy is a sign of strength and self-awareness, not weakness. Therapy can provide valuable tools and insights to help men address these and many other concerns, leading to improved mental health and overall well-being. Choosing to seek help is a personal decision, and it can be an important step toward personal growth and healing.

Managing Holiday Expectations + Practicing Gratitude

*from the archives, circa December 2018

While I try to make it a habit to practice gratitude throughout the year, I find myself reflecting more on just how fortunate I am in my life and in my practice this time of year. Every day, I am fortunate enough to work with strong, brave, intelligent people as they work through the challenges that life presents. And while I would like to thank you - my wonderful community - for all of the support you’ve shared with me this year, I also want to acknowledge that the holidays can be a very difficult time for many people. Between end-of-year work deadlines, tight budgets, travel, and visits with family... the holidays can be physically and emotionally taxing on everyone.

This month, I’d like to offer a few ways you can be more mindful with your time this holiday season both at work and home.

MANAGE EXPECTATIONS

It seems like everyone needs something during the holiday season. Whether it’s a demanding boss at work or a mother-in-law who insists on doing everything “her way,” it is easy to become overwhelmed by the number of things that are thrown at you.

This holiday season, though, the key to managing expectations is to be proactive and anticipate demands, deadlines, and requirements from colleagues, family, and friends alike.

At Work

If you’re feeling the stresses and pressures of year-end deadlines at work, you’re not alone. Since many companies (or clients) end their business year on December 31, there’s a scramble to get as much done in as little time as possible. That often means that you and your colleagues are left with all of the responsibility and little time for anything else.

If you’re starting to feel the mounting pressure, here are a few things that may help you to be proactive and manage work expectations.

• Ask for (in writing, if possible) all outstanding deliverables and their expected deadlines;

• Remind your supervisor/boss of any time off requests you’ve already submitted. If you are comfortable with them, ask them how the aforementioned deadlines can work around your schedule;

• If you plan on taking time off around the holidays, remind colleagues when your last day in the office will be. Gently remind them that if they need anything from you, they need to submit any requests by a specific date, which will give you enough time to complete the tasks. After all, no one wants to be working on their “time off!”

At Home

Managing expectations with family and friends are just as important to your holiday stress levels as they are with work.

If you find yourself hosting family or friends for the holidays this year, feel free to start thinking about menus/meals ahead of time. You’ll often find that with a little bit of forethought, you can whip of meals ahead of time and freeze them until the day you want to serve them. Doing so accomplishes two things: For one, it is less to worry about once family starts showing up on your doorstep; and secondly, it provides you more precious time to spend with loved ones while they’re in your home.

TAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF

With so much activity around the holidays, it’s easy to get swept up in the hustle and bustle. But going 1000 miles an hour for days in a row is exhausting. That’s why it is so important to take a few moments each day to focus some time and thought on yourself.

Meditation

One effective way to take a “time out” during this busy time is to spend 5-10 minutes meditating. This could be early in the morning while the rest of the house is sleeping or at night when everyone is going to bed. Regardless, a few moments of solitude can do wonders for recharging your batteries before the start of another day or at the end of a long one.

Keeping Routines

If there are any routines you hold special in your daily life, hold onto them! Perhaps you find that a brisk morning jog or an afternoon yoga class is a great stress reliever. Don’t skip! If you’re afraid of being away from family or friends too long, invite them to join you. There’s a chance that they’re sacrificing their routines and an invitation to join you may be just what they need, too.

When you keep your routines intact, you’ll find that you’re not losing control of some of the activities you love or need, and holding onto those routines also manages expectations, too.

PRACTICE GRATITUDE

Whenever you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or just plain tired this holiday season, I encourage you to take a step back and find something to be grateful for.

Practicing gratitude doesn’t need to be a long drawn-out process. In fact, some studies have linked the feeling of gratitude to an overall improved sense of well-being. (1)

If you can find the time and get into the habit, writing down what you’re grateful for is a nice way to reflect on some of the positive aspects of your life. It can be as simple as “It was a beautiful day today” or “Everyone complimented the dish I made.”

HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

As this year draws to a close, I hope that some of these tips are helpful for you through the holiday season and into 2023.*

Wishing everyone a happy & healthy holiday!

[Sources]

1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3010965/