Too Busy to Feel: Why Constant Activity Might Be Hiding What’s Really Going On
“Chronic busyness often masks emotional avoidance. It’s only when we slow down that we create space for self-awareness, connection, and healing.”
“I don’t know how I feel.”
I hear this in therapy all the time—and I see it in my own life too. I have so many friends and colleagues who are always on the go. They’re juggling work, appointments, workouts, podcasts, self-improvement books, and family obligations. They’re constantly doing—but rarely pausing.
And when we don’t pause, we can lose touch with how we actually feel.
We live in a culture that values productivity over presence. Being busy often gets rewarded. But what happens when the busyness becomes a shield—keeping us from checking in with ourselves?
“I’m Fine”… But Are You?
Think about how often you ask someone, “How are you?” and they answer, “I’m fine.” It’s a reflex. A socially acceptable way to move on. But more often than not, “fine” is a placeholder. It means, “I don’t know how I feel,” or “I don’t want to get into it.”
There’s even an old acronym that makes me laugh (and cringe a little):
F.I.N.E. = F*cked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.
It’s tongue-in-cheek—but it also gets at something real. “Fine” can be emotional autopilot. And staying busy helps us stay there.
Why We Avoid Slowing DowN:
Busyness can be a coping strategy. It gives us a sense of control. It helps us avoid feelings that might feel too heavy—grief, fear, anger, loneliness. But over time, this can disconnect us from our inner world, making it harder to truly know ourselves.
You might notice:
You feel anxious when things slow down
You avoid the question, “How are you really?”
You’re exhausted but don’t stop
You’re uncomfortable with silence or rest
If any of this feels familiar, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It likely means this way of coping has worked for you in the past—but now, it might be time for something different.
“You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to pause and listen to what your inner world is trying to say.” ~ Shelby Castile, M.A., LMFT
Making Room for Your Feelings:
You don’t need to overhaul your life to reconnect with yourself. Small steps make a big difference.
Try:
Sitting quietly for 5 minutes a day
Journaling without judgment
Asking: What am I feeling right now? (Even if the answer is, I don’t know yet)
Getting curious about what comes up when you stop
Your feelings aren’t here to overwhelm you. They’re here to guide you.
Final 💭 Thought:
If you’ve been stuck in “fine” and feel ready to understand yourself more deeply, therapy can help. You don’t have to figure it out alone. Together, we can slow things down and make space for what’s really going on inside—so you can move from surviving to truly living.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to reach out. Whether you're curious about starting therapy or simply exploring what support might look like, I’d be honored to connect. You can contact me anytime here.