The Gossip Effect

"If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all." -Aesop (c.620-560 BC)

This is a quote we’ve  all probably heard since we were very young and it goes to show that gossip has been around as long as we humans have gathered in social circles.

Did You Hear?

When we think of gossip we probably think of it as someone in our life sharing malicious talk and stories about someone else in our life. Recent studies show that most people gossip for an average of 52 minutes per day. That’s a lot of time!

Let’s take a moment to understand what gossip really is. The textbook definition is the sharing of information about someone who isn’t there. The info can be positive- “Did you hear,  Olivia had her baby?” It may be work-related- “The boss is going to be making budget cuts.” And it can also be negative- “He’s been drinking way too much.” As humans, we’ve developed this method of communication, naturally, as we’re social animals and sharing news about other members of the group is a way to protect and connect with one another.

Some Thoughts.

Typically, someone sharing negative gossip with you is doing so because they are feeling uneasy or tense about the person they are talking about and are looking for you to join in their negativity and validate their feelings.

However, this isn’t your job. It’s important to remember that you don’t have to ease their conflict, act as a mediator or even take on their anxiety. Ideally, they need to resolve their uneasiness on their own, and your involvement may be keeping them from doing so. The two people involved are the two who should be resolving and communicating about the issue at hand.

A post came up recently in my Instagram feed that really resonated. Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT shared in the image below, noting this idea that you can prepare a “script” for yourself to ease your way out of the situation by clearly stating your boundaries.  In other words, a few “go-to lines” that you can repeat to yourself, to remind both you (and them), that they should be taking their concerns directly to the person they’re speaking about.

Some Questions.

How do you know if you, yourself are just letting off steam or maliciously gossiping?  It would be important to dive deeper into your beliefs and intentions to discover your authentic feelings.  You can start by asking yourself the following questions.

Am I working toward a solution and committed to helping the situation? If so, then confront the problem head on, by making sure you are talking to the right person about it, and that they’re comfortable with you sharing the information.  Another question to ask yourself... If this person were here, would they be ok with me sharing this? If not, then it’s probably best to stay mum.

In the end, if sharing malicious and hurtful gossip is the only way you know to connect with people, you may be avoiding dealing with something.  This would be a helpful avenue to explore in talk therapy or with a close friend who values self-improvement and growth. Learning how to confront and communicate with the people in your life directly, can teach them (and you) how to work through difficult situations. As daunting as conflict and confrontation can be, the end result is healthier communication styles for all involved.

As always, if I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out! All of my information can be found here.

Teens + Meditation

Did you know that May was Mental Health Awareness Month? And May 9th, specifically, was Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day? It’s been a very special month for the mental health community so if you didn’t hear, now you know for next year!

Though I don't work directly with children, I do work with many parents, teaching them behaviors that are often a wonderful model for their kids and teens. I believe that as children grow and mature, their mental health becomes just as important as their physical health. I see this as a consistent theme for my parental clients and something they are challenged with on a daily basis. Let’s face it- Raising kids is hard work and teens have enormously high standards set by society these days; especially with social media being so readily available.

The Facts

Statistics from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America show that around 80% of teens have a diagnosable anxiety disorder and 60% of teens with diagnosable depression are not receiving any help at all to deal with these, frequently, crippling conditions. The teen years are often fraught with anxiety and depression in varying degrees. Perhaps it is a phase that they’ll grow out of-However often, it can be something much more serious.

On a daily basis the teenage mind, which is yet to be fully formed- is dealing with grades, homework, sports, extracurricular activities, social interactions with their peers and perhaps even heartache. 1 in 8 of these teens has anxiety or depression that could be diagnosed. Teaching, modeling and supporting your child with coping mechanisms to deal with these stresses that are coming at them from all sides, may be a start towards a healthier mind set (for both of you)!

Meditation

I frequently suggest meditation as a tool for my clients to help with the overwhelm they feel as parents, as I have found it has helped me both personally and professionally in so many ways. Incorporating a meditation practice into my own life has provided me with insight into myself and also helps to set a firm foundation for how I start my day. I enjoy sharing this with my patients and find most are very receptive.  

For example, a colleague of mine, Dr. Monisha Vasa is the Psychiatrist who is referenced here which suggests using meditation as a tool for teens to work through anxiety.  There are meditation apps, classes, coaches and therapists that can give both you and your teen the mental resources you need. The article goes into more detail on these supportive methods; however, I highly recommend reading it for ideas on how to help if you have a teenager who’s struggling.

Joining with your teen and sharing their journey may help to allay the fear and uncertainty they’re feeling about the process of starting a meditation practice. Approaching them in a collaborative, rather than combative way, is a positive step you can take to start. Taking small steps to begin your own meditation routine will also help the beginning of their practice be less arduous and they’ll be less apt to add onto the stress and anxiety they’re already feeling. Setting manageable goals, with leniency when needed, will ease the pressure they are feeling.

Sticking with a consistent meditation practice has the opportunity to bring about many positive shifts for you both. One of the most important, is a closer bond with your child- as you are right there by their side! You and your teen may begin to feel more centered, calm and empathetic towards one another.  And, especially for them, learning how to regulate their emotions at a young age can assist with so many aspects of their future relationships, leading to healthier more fulfilling lives.

Final Inspiration

I found this insightful quote that does a wonderful job of explaining what meditation can help you and your teen. “The goal of meditation is not to get rid of thoughts or emotions. The goal is to become more aware of your thoughts and emotions and learn how to move through them without getting stuck.” - Dr. P. Goldin

As always, if I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out! All of my information can be found here.

Is It OCD?

There are moments in our lives when many of us say to ourselves, or to others, “I know that’s a little OCD,” about one of our seemingly quirky behaviors. There are people that have to put 18 blueberry’s on their oatmeal every morning. Some have to touch their phone 3 times with each pointer finger, before hanging up. Others clean their stove top to bottom thoroughly every single day. These behaviors may sound a little silly, and sometimes they can be.

The question is when are these unusual actions actually the symptoms of something more serious? How do you know when a behavior has become more of an obsession than a quirk? What are the signs that you actually have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?

OCD Explained:

First and foremost, let me explain what Obsessive Compulsive Disorder constitutes. According to Psychiatry.com, “Obsessive-compulsive disorder...is an anxiety disorder in which people have recurring, unwanted thoughts, ideas or sensations (obsessions) that make them feel driven to do something repetitively (compulsions). The repetitive behaviors, such as hand washing, checking on things or cleaning, can significantly interfere with a person’s daily activities and social interactions.”

To clarify, OCD transfers anxiety into compulsive actions to such a degree that often your day to day life is consumed by them. Getting out of bed, through your morning and out the door is often impossible, without completing these all-consuming tasks or behaviors over and over again. Your personal and work life may be so disordered that others may have pulled away from you or shared how alarming your compulsions are to them.  If this is the case, you are not alone. Around 2.3% of the US population has been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. That correlates into roughly 1 in 40, adults no matter their race, ethnicity, or socioeconomic background.

Once you begin to begin to question your behaviors,  you can ask yourself a few questions to get you started toward deciding if you need to seek help.

A Helpful Tool:

Eric Hollander MD has a more in-depth list of questions you can ask yourself in the following article from Psychology Today. Again this isn’t an actual diagnosis, the questions are meant as a  tool for you to see if you feel the need to find a therapist to help you.

Briefly, ask yourself:

• Am I spending more than an hour each day on these behaviors?

• Does this anxiety cause me overwhelming distress?

• Am I able to stop the obsessive actions and go on with my day?

• Is the life I am living so affected by these obsessions that I am no longer living the life I want to live?

Ultimately the last question is the most important one. If you find yourself so overwhelmed by repeated actions and are not able to enjoy your life, and they are adversely impacting you, then it’s time to reach out. Finding a therapist who specializes in OCD and asking for help is the next step. You can learn healthy ways to cope with your anxiety and deal with what brought you to this point.

Please remember you are not alone. There is strength in asking for help and working towards the life you want.  As always, if I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out! All of my information can be found here.

Misconceptions

Let’s be honest: there are a ton of misconceptions about what therapy actually entails. And Hollywood has had a field day with their portrayals of what a therapy session looks like.  The most common visual shown, is of a client laying on a couch, looking at the ceiling and talking about whatever comes to mind.

In reality, though, therapy doesn’t always resemble its Hollywood portrayal. The result of the Hollywoodification of therapy has been loads of misconceptions about what people who are seeking help perceive therapy to be.

In my own practice, I see a lot of misconceptions, but especially as they relate to couples’ therapy. Today, I want to dispel a few common misconceptions of couples therapy that I see quite frequently.

Couples’ Therapy Doesn’t have to be “Last Ditch Effort”

By the time many couples enter my office, it’s a “last ditch effort.” In other words, they’ve tried working through marital issues on their own, devoured every Self Help book or blog they can get their hands on, and their gas tanks are nearly empty.

First off, there’s nothing wrong in trying to work through issues together without the help of a professional or reading books or blogs to get educated on the various schools of thought in couples’ therapy.  However, when it comes to making strides in your relationship, however, having an unbiased third party can work wonders.

Far from a last-ditch effort, couples’ therapy can be extremely useful at various stages of any relationship. If one or both sides are struggling with finding fulfillment or are experiencing frustration or betrayal, couples’ therapy can be extremely helpful.  Whether you’re just getting the initial inklings of something being “off” in your relationship or you’re weeks away from separating, couples’ therapy has been proven to help bridge the divide that has entered your relationship.

Learning to Listen

One observation I commonly see when couples are in my office is a lot of talking at one another and very little listening.

Instead of waiting for the other person to finish to get their own point across, I encourage couples to actively listen to their partner. Active listening manifests itself in a number of ways, but I try and ask my patients to repeat parts of what their partner said back to them to ensure understanding. From there, I ask each partner how these issues make them feel before having the other person respond with what has been bothering them.

This act of back-and-forth listening can help build compassion and empathy for both partners in a way that simple “getting things off the chest” doesn’t do.

No One-Size-Fits-All Solution

I like to let people know that therapy is unique to each couple since everyone brings in their own unique histories and perspectives. Not to mention that some couples have children while others don’t, and this factor alone drastically changes the way I approach couples’ therapy.

I believe in the power of couples’ therapy, because of the intimate nature of the sessions. While people can learn different techniques from a book or blog, having a licensed therapist who is actively helping to introduce new skills for communication etc., can be incredibly valuable. And while couples’ therapy doesn’t always result in salvaging a relationship, it often does.  In my experience, regardless of the outcome- both partners come out the other side with more insight and clarity.

When In Doubt, Reach out

If you and your partner are going through a rough patch, consider reaching out to a couples’ therapist.  Just starting the conversation can actually be quite beneficial. And once you decide to seek therapy, I suggest that you ask lots of questions- nothing is off limits. This initial dialogue is a great way to dispel any preconceived notions or misconceptions you may have about couples’ therapy.  Please feel free to be in touch if I can be helpful in finding you a therapist or therapy resources!

Working Through Insecurity

Lately my practice has been presenting with couples who have a lot of insecurity issues.  Why is this? Both partners are very successful, emotionally aware and appear to be great parents!

As much as I know that self-doubt and insecurity affect people in a variety of ways, and for a number of reasons; as a clinician, when a couple walks into the room with insecurity issues, I still wonder where the root of the issues lie.

Here’s what I see: when it comes to insecurity in a relationship, it can feel incredibly jarring and is emotionally unsettling when one partner is behaving in a way or acting out for some reason. But what causes such anxiety in these relationships? And if the causes are known, what can be done to lessen the feeling of insecurity people feel in their relationships with their partners?

If you’re feeling insecure in your relationship, there are definitely ways in which you and your partner can build or regain confidence that may be missing right now. I’ll outline them below.

Anxiety and Insecurity in Romantic Relationships

Feeling anxious and insecure in a relationship is more common that people think. In fact, hundreds of studies have been commissioned to understand why this feeling is so prevalent. One of the leading theories behind this is called Attachment Theory. To paraphrase the premise of attachment theory:

Attachment theory is the proposition that affectional bonds between individuals and patterns of early life interactions between caregivers and children produce internal working models that serve as templates guiding interpersonal expectations and behaviors in later relationships. Caregivers who are stable, consistent, and predictable tend to encourage the development of internal working models of the self as valued and others as trustworthy and reliable sources of nurturance. Unstable, inconsistent, or unpredictable caregiving in early life can produce maladaptive internal working models that are reflected in insecurity and anxious forms of attachment.(1)

In other words, there is a direct link in how people approach their adult relationships, and it is usually tied with their upbringing. People brought up with predictable caregivers tend to view adult partners in the same way: with positive, unconditional regard. On the other hand, people who have unstable or inconsistent upbringings may bring more insecurity to their adult relationships. Of course, neither upbringing is a guarantee that someone will have anxiety in a relationship or not, so it’s important to have compassion either way!

What to Do to Feel More Secure

When one or both partners in a relationship feel insecure or anxious, it’s important to know that no one is alone.  Typically, both people are experiencing similar feelings and are just acting out in different ways.  A few ideas to consider:

Open Communication

Clear lines of communication come easier for some than others. Having an open and honest discussion about relationship insecurities can often be the quickest route to feeling more confident and secure. When feelings are discussed openly and respectfully, root issues can be identified quickly and (ideally) actively worked through in therapy.

For instance, if one partner feels inadequate in their partner’s eyes, simply bringing it up may help the partner realize that their actions are contributing to this anxiety.  In other words, “normal” behavior for one partner may unknowingly be exacerbating insecurity in their partner. By addressing this together, one partner may be able to change small aspects of their behavior, which in turns builds confidence and security in the relationship.

Step Out of the Comfort Zone

If a relationship is approaching--or is already in--the zone of insecurity, sometimes doing something out of the ordinary can be helpful. When couples find an activity they can share where both people need to step out of their comfort zone, it can actually help with the feeling of insecurity. When both partners are out of their comfort zone, it can open the lines of communication and in turn; that vulnerability can help with the insecurity, too.

Be Kind +  Be Strong

Bottom line: working through insecurity takes trust, strength and patience. However, finding ways to talk about relationship insecurity with your partner is a step in the right direction.  And from what I’ve seen; with time, it is possible for partners to rekindle that spark that led them together in the first place.

Sources:

1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3330635/

Expectations + Practicing Gratitude

While I try to make it a habit to practice gratitude throughout the year, I find myself reflecting more on just how fortunate I am in my life and in my practice this time of year. Every day, I am fortunate enough to work with strong, brave, intelligent people as they work through the challenges that life presents. And while I would like to thank you - my wonderful community - for all of the support you’ve shared with me this year, I also want to acknowledge that the holidays can be a very difficult time for many people. Between end-of-year work deadlines, tight budgets, travel, and visits with family... the holidays can be physically and emotionally taxing on everyone.

This month, I’d like to offer a few ways you can be more mindful with your time this holiday season both at work and home.

Manage Expectations

It seems like everyone needs something during the holiday season. Whether it’s a demanding boss at work or a mother-in-law who insists on doing everything “her way,” it is easy to become overwhelmed by the number of things that are thrown at you.

This holiday season, though, the key to managing expectations is to be proactive and anticipate demands, deadlines, and requirements from colleagues, family, and friends alike.

At Work

If you’re feeling the stresses and pressures of year-end deadlines at work, you’re not alone. Since many companies (or clients) end their business year on December 31, there’s a scramble to get as much done in as little time as possible. That often means that you and your colleagues are left with all of the responsibility and little time for anything else.

If you’re starting to feel the mounting pressure, here are a few things that may help you to be proactive and manage work expectations.

• Ask for (in writing, if possible) all outstanding deliverables and their expected deadlines;

• Remind your supervisor/boss of any time off requests you’ve already submitted. If you are comfortable with them, ask them how the aforementioned deadlines can work around your schedule;

• If you plan on taking time off around the holidays, remind colleagues when your last day in the office will be. Gently remind them that if they need anything from you, they need to submit any requests by a specific date, which will give you enough time to complete the tasks. After all, no one wants to be working on their “time off!”

At Home

Managing expectations with family and friends are just as important to your holiday stress levels as they are with work.

If you find yourself hosting family or friends for the holidays this year, feel free to start thinking about menus/meals ahead of time. You’ll often find that with a little bit of forethought, you can whip of meals ahead of time and freeze them until the day you want to serve them. Doing so accomplishes two things: For one, it is less to worry about once family starts showing up on your doorstep; and secondly, it provides you more precious time to spend with loved ones while they’re in your home.

Taking Time for Yourself

With so much activity around the holidays, it’s easy to get swept up in the hustle and bustle. But going 1000 miles an hour for days in a row is exhausting. That’s why it is so important to take a few moments each day to focus some time and thought on yourself.

Meditation

One effective way to take a “time out” during this busy time is to spend 5-10 minutes meditating. This could be early in the morning while the rest of the house is sleeping or at night when everyone is going to bed. Regardless, a few moments of solitude can do wonders for recharging your batteries before the start of another day or at the end of a long one.

Keeping Routines

If there are any routines you hold special in your daily life, hold onto them! Perhaps you find that a brisk morning jog or an afternoon yoga class is a great stress reliever. Don’t skip! If you’re afraid of being away from family or friends too long, invite them to join you. There’s a chance that they’re sacrificing their routines and an invitation to join you may be just what they need, too.

When you keep your routines intact, you’ll find that you’re not losing control of some of the activities you love or need, and holding onto those routines also manages expectations, too.

Practice Gratitude

Whenever you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or just plain tired this holiday season, I encourage you to take a step back and find something to be grateful for.

Practicing gratitude doesn’t need to be a long drawn-out process. In fact, some studies have linked the feeling of gratitude to an overall improved sense of well-being. (1)

If you can find the time and get into the habit, writing down what you’re grateful for is a nice way to reflect on some of the positive aspects of your life. It can be as simple as “It was a beautiful day today” or “Everyone complimented the dish I made.”

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year

As this year draws to a close, I hope that some of these tips are helpful for you through the holiday season and into 2019.

Wishing everyone a happy & healthy holiday!

[Sources]

1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3010965/

Managing Divorce With Kids

For many couples, few days are as special as their wedding day. Surrounded by family and friends, the newly married couple often feels as if they have the whole world ahead of them. For some, however, that joy is short-lived or fleeting. In fact, current research posits that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce (and 2nd and 3rd marriages have a higher rate than that).1 And while divorce is never easy on those who are separating, when children are involved it can be even more difficult.

Going through a separation can be emotionally taxing any time of the year, but the holidays can be especially trying on everyone involved. Sometimes, there is an urge to keep up appearances, whether it be holiday cards, social media posts, or any number of other things.

If you find yourself in a position where you and your spouse contemplating divorce and children are involved, below are some tips I give my clients who are going through this challenging time.

Little Ears are Listening

Some marriages end amicably, but that isn’t the case for everyone. When confronted with the tough reality that a relationship isn’t going to last, it is easy for soon-to-be exes to argue frequently.

While conflict is bound to happen in any relationship — especially those that are falling apart — it is important that you and your partner be mindful of where and when these arguments or disagreements take place.

Arguing in front of your kids should be avoided at all costs. When parents argue, it’s natural for kids to think they’re somehow to blame for the discord in the household. Even if you have young children who you don’t think “understand” what’s going on, it is still important to be mindful of your tone when having disagreements.

If you and your partner are trying to do what’s best for your children, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in co-parenting after divorce. Marriage therapists are great for troubled marriages, but if you and your spouse have settled on a divorce, a co-parenting therapist is a more appropriate venue to air grievances regarding visitation, parenting philosophies, and so on. These environments are not only conducive to helping you and your ex co-parent better, but it also provides your child the freedom from not over-hearing mommy and daddy arguing.

Educate Yourself as Co-Parents

This idea of co-parenting while being in different households is hard to grasp for many families. However, if you and your ex are committed to making the transition as easy as possible for your children, consider taking a parent education course in order to help your little ones best cope with the transition.

Studies show that children who grow up in a “happy home” are more likely to have fewer mental, physical, and educational issues than those who grow up in homes with unhealthy marital relationships.(1)

Parent education classes provide an unbiased perspective and offer support, while keeping the children’s best interest in mind.  Additionally, these sorts of programs have been shown to improve the way children cope with their parents’ divorce not only immediately after the divorce, but for subsequent years, too.(2)

In essence, when parents present a united front, the kids pick up on that. When Mom and Dad are working together,  being consistent in rules, parenting, and so on, it is easier for kids to focus on just being kids rather than being brought into Mom and Dad’s relationship problems.

It Still Takes a Village

Even after you and your spouse separate, if you’re both dedicated to raising your children to be as happy and healthy as they can be, it is possible for your communication to improve over time. While you may not be in-love anymore, the shared love for your children can serve as a guiding light to put your differences aside in the best interest of the kids.

Sources

1. https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/

2. Velez, C.E., Wolchick, S.A., Tein, J.Y., and Sandler, I. (2011).  “Protecting children from the consequences of divorce: A longitudinal study of the effects of parenting on children’s coping processes.” Child Development, 82 (1):244-257.

Sex + Relationships

Sex is a major component of intimate relationships, whether you’re married or in a committed partnership… intimacy problems among couples happen more than you think.

If you and your partner are experiencing intimacy issues, you’re not alone. In fact, “positive intimate functioning contributes approximately 15-20% to a marriage, while problematic intimacy holds much more weight, approximately 50-75%.(1)” Simply put, this means that couples who reported positive intimate relationships with their partner say their sexual relationship only contributed 15-20% of their overall happiness, whereas couples who reported problematic intimate relationships say their sexual relationships contribute 50-75% of their overall unhappiness. That’s a big difference.

I recently worked with a couple that reported having intimacy problems. The wife felt that her sexual needs weren’t being met, while the husband said he was often too tired at the end of the day to engage in sex. After discussing the situation with the couple, I was able to provide them a few suggestions that could improve their intimacy, which I will share with you.

Putting “Me” Before “We”

Intimacy — and sex — is a two-way street. While it may seem obvious, if partners are out of sync with one another, it can lead to intimacy issues. If your partner is frustrated by the lack of intimacy in your relationship, is it because they’re wanting “too much” intimacy as far as you’re concerned or are you desiring less intimacy? It could also be something in the middle, too. Regardless, when each individual reflects on their role in an intimate relationship, that can serve as the springboard for a larger conversation about what “we” want or view as a healthy intimate relationship as a couple.

Talk is Important

Intimacy is different for every person, and by extension, every couple. When a couple comes to me with intimacy issues, one of the first questions I ask is “Have you talked about it?” I find that couples frequently say “Yes,” but when we explore those conversations further, it turns out that they’re often talking “at” one another rather than engaging in a constructive dialog.

Talking about intimacy and sex can be difficult for couples. “Sex” is loaded with other factors like self-esteem, confidence, and love, to name a few. So talking about this topic-head on isn’t always easy.

But nonetheless, it is important. When couples actually talk about their intimacy, sexual needs and desires, they often learn something new about their partner. I’ve seen instances where one partner feels deep satisfaction after a snuggling session, while the other spouse felt frustration at the end of the same snuggling session because it was lacking a sexual component.

There are plenty of self-help books and resources out there. If you don’t feel comfortable bringing the subject up to your partner, you could always bookmark articles that speak to you. After your partner reads them, you could then discuss it in context of the resource first and then your relationship.

Only when you and your partner can talk openly and free of judgement can you begin to discover the right balance of intimacy in your relationship.

Keep it Physical

Even when I see couples struggling with intimacy issues, I encourage them to not stop being physically intimate with one another. This doesn’t always mean sex, either. It could be as simple as holding hands or kissing, or giving one another massages.

This type of contact and expression is vital in order for you to keep your physical and emotional bonds. As people grow and evolve, so too does their relationship with intimacy. Sex drives change over time, as do preferences for physical contact.

It’s crucial to be honest with each other as your tastes and preferences change. Neglecting these types of conversations can lead to tension, frustration, and further relationship issues if they’re ignored.

Striking the right balance in any relationship is a constantly moving target. But like many things that are worth doing, it takes practice. It also takes a willingness to make the situation better, and by talking about it and remaining physically intimate with one another, intimacy issues can get better and improve the overall relationship with your loved one.

Sources

1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3807599/

Nurturing Relationships

Summer days used to last forever...or so it seemed. These days, it seems like summer is never long enough. Weekends quickly get booked up with events with friends and family, and the demands of work are ever-present.

With so many things competing for time and attention during the summer, setting aside time to focus on relationships and spending time with one another is vital to a healthy relationship. Relationships need constant care and attention, hello!?!

Let’s face it, every relationship goes through highs and lows. They can be tough times or even just times when one or both people are just going through the motions. Wanting change? Easier said than done.

Try Something New can be a great starting point.

At a certain point in a relationship, it is easy to fall into routine. There’s nothing wrong with routine, but every now and again, it's necessary to get out of that routine and try something different.

This looks different for everyone. For some, getting out of a comfort zone could mean trying a new restaurant their partner heard about. For others, it could mean going to a foreign country where neither of them speak the native language.

Sharing these experiences with a loved one can help reignite the spark.

Time for Two & growing together.

Having kids—and sharing the bond of parenthood—can be an amazing thing! However, it’s so easy to get caught up in the daily details of running a household, dropping the kids off at school-practice-recital-games, and working {to name a few} that finding spare moments to nurture a relationship can be hard. Trust me, I get it.

That’s why scheduling time to work on the relationship is so vitally important. This can take on many forms. Sometimes it just means taking a day off and finding a sitter for the kids. For some people, it can be finding a summer camp where the kids can thrive while every night transforms into date night for Mom and Dad… Hoorray!

However the time is made, it will be time well-spent.  

In the end, growing together is a critical element of a strong relationship. It takes time and effort, but nurturing the relationship is most always, rewarding and bountiful.

Slowing Down

Let’s face it. When someone asks, “How are you doing?” the immediate response might be, “Sooo busy!” Many wear it like a badge of honor, but is being so busy really healthy? The longer people stay “busy,” the more likely it is they’re going to burn out. And when people burn out, it's hard to be helpful for anyone, especially themselves. 

That’s why it is essential everyone learn how to find time away from the hustle and bustle and take a moment to check in on how they’re feeling. Not sure how to go about that? Here are a few ways to slow down and re-center amid the busy days.

Meditate for 15 Minutes

Set aside 10 or 15 minutes first thing in the morning to meditate. “First thing” means before coffee & before breakfast.  Why? Because scheduling it into a daily routine (before the rest of the day’s needs and distractions creep in) means that it’ll happen. And when it becomes part of a daily routine, the benefits will start soon after.

Meditation has been around for thousands of years and those who practice it regularly extol its virtues. Meditation has been linked to better self-awareness, relaxation, and stress reduction, to name but a few.

Learn to Say No

One of the leading factors contributing to the feeling of being depleted and drained is overcommitting to things. Whether those commitments are big things or little things, the bottom line is that it requires one major thing: time.

Time is precious and should be guarded. But the more frequently people say ‘Yes’ to attending events, get-togethers, or taking on that extra project; means less time to focus on the ‘self.’ Understandably, it is hard to say no, especially to friends, family, and employers. However, before taking on yet another big project, the prudent question to ask is: “How does this improve my current state?” If that question can’t be answered question convincingly, then it might be time to politely say, “No thanks. Maybe next time.”

Make a List

Trying to keep track of everything going on in life is hard. Especially if you’re keeping it all in your brain. There is a saying that goes, “Let the paper worry.” It means that when something is written down—especially in a list—it isn’t bouncing around in your head anymore, which can be exhausting!

In addition to freeing the mind from extra stress, lists help people visually prioritize what is important and what isn’t. When prioritizing a list, add in a few “easy” things that need to be accomplished. This will motivate you to attack the other top items in your list. When you start completing things, you’ll feel more in control. The result? You’ll feel more relaxed and more likely to take time out for yourself, too. These are just a few ways to begin realigning daily activities in order to get more time to focus on you.

My wish for you this summer is to take a step back, enjoy the sunshine, and focus on what brings you joy.

As always, if I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out! All of my information can be found here.

Source

1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1125975/