Unlocking the Power of Healing: The Benefits of Marriage Therapy

Marriage is a beautiful union that brings two individuals together, promising a lifetime of love, companionship and shared dreams. However, maintaining a healthy and thriving relationship requires effort, understanding, and effective communication. This is where marriage therapy plays a vital role. In recent years, the importance of seeking professional help to navigate the challenges and complexities of marriage has gained widespread recognition. In this blog, we will explore the benefits of marriage therapy and how it can strengthen the foundation of your relationship.

1. Improved Communication: Communication lies at the heart of any successful relationship. Marriage therapy provides a safe and neutral space for couples to express their thoughts, emotions, and concerns. A skilled therapist helps facilitate open and effective communication, teaching couples valuable tools to express themselves honestly, actively listen to each other, and resolve conflicts constructively. By enhancing communication skills, couples can avoid misunderstandings, build trust, and develop a deeper understanding of one another.

2. Conflict Resolution: Conflicts are an inevitable part of any marriage. However, unresolved conflicts can breed resentment, distance, and emotional pain. Marriage therapy equips couples with valuable conflict resolution strategies, teaching them how to address issues in a healthy and productive manner. Therapists guide couples to identify the root causes of conflicts, explore underlying emotions, and work towards finding mutually beneficial solutions. Through therapy, couples can learn to navigate disagreements effectively and strengthen their bond through compromise and understanding.

3. Rebuilding Trust: Trust is the foundation of any successful marriage. However, it can be severely tested by infidelity, dishonesty, or breaches of emotional intimacy. Marriage therapy provides a supportive environment for couples to address trust issues and heal emotional wounds. Therapists guide couples through the process of rebuilding trust, helping them develop empathy, forgiveness, and open dialogue. With professional guidance, couples can work towards restoring trust, strengthening their connection, and fostering a renewed sense of intimacy.

4. Enhanced Intimacy: Intimacy encompasses emotional, physical, and spiritual connection between partners. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, couples often find it challenging to prioritize and nurture their intimate bond. Marriage therapy offers a dedicated space for couples to explore their emotional and physical intimacy, discussing desires, needs, and fears in a non-judgmental environment. Through therapy, couples can learn to communicate their intimate needs effectively, reignite the spark in their relationship, and cultivate a more fulfilling and passionate connection.

5. Strengthened Commitment: Marriage therapy can help couples reaffirm their commitment to the relationship. By addressing challenges and working through difficulties, therapy enables couples to understand the underlying motivations and values that brought them together. Therapists assist couples in identifying and appreciating the strengths of their relationship, fostering a deeper sense of commitment and dedication. Through this process, couples gain a renewed sense of purpose and clarity, allowing them to navigate future challenges with resilience and unity.

Marriage therapy offers a myriad of benefits that can profoundly transform relationships. By improving communication, resolving conflicts, rebuilding trust, enhancing intimacy, and strengthening commitment, couples can forge a more resilient and fulfilling partnership. Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a testament to the dedication and love between partners. So, if you find yourself facing challenges in your marriage, consider embarking on the therapeutic journey together, and unlock the power of healing to create a brighter and more loving future.

Our Collective New Normal

“A​t such times the universe gets a little closer to us. They are strange times, times of beginnings and endings. Dangerous and powerful. And we feel it even if we don't know what it is. These times are not necessarily good, and not necessarily bad. In fact, what they are depends on what we are.​”

~T​erry Pratchett

Isolation, social distancing, stay at home orders and quarantines have become our “new normal.” The closing in of our physical world can bring about introspection, meditation and self improvement, in a perfect world of course. In reality however, this new reality- we are stressed, uncertain and anxious. There is no better time than now to become compassionate with ourselves so that we’re better able to support one another.

Looking In.

When we talk about “self-compassion” we are talking about treating ourselves the way we would treat a friend who we look in on if they are having a hard time. Instead of getting angry with them/ourselves when they/we are uncertain or struggling, we take the time to listen to what they/we are feeling.

It can be hard to imagine how this plays out for ourselves, so let’s think about it like this. Typically, one would check in on someone going through a divorce or loss, asking “How are you feeling? What can I do for you? Do you need anything?” Now let’s think of ourselves as that friend. We don’t get angry at them for feeling what they are feeling, and so we should feel the same way about ourselves. The feelings of anger and frustration at the current isolating situation are universal, and we can understand how others are feeling them. That makes it even more ok that we are feeling them, we have found our common humanity.

Self-compassion is a strong tool for building our own empathy and transforming our thoughts into positive affirmations. The transforming effects of this practice, which can give us the strength to strive in an overwhelming time, are delved into in more depth in this informative article from ​Mindful.org​.

Looking Out.

When we are taking space that is needed to recognize this is something others are struggling with, we can reach out for support. One of the most beautiful things we are seeing right now is the use of video conferencing and messaging on Zoom or Facebook Messenger- for family and friends to check in, catch up and assist one another through this challenging time.

Humans are social creatures, and isolation can be damaging to both our mental and physical health. When we are socially isolated our sleep and eating patterns can become disrupted. This can cause a snowball effect where we are more likely to feel depressed. By sharing with others in video chats, messaging and phone calls we can disrupt the disruption! We or others may have found ways of dealing with these issues that we then share with one another. Essentially, we build a support system for one another. It’s an excellent opportunity for a very beautiful thing in an extremely difficult time.

We Eat. We Drink. We Worry.

These disruptions are often manifested in our need to self soothe with food or alcohol in times of stress and overwhelming uncertainty. Many of us are worried that we are "running out" of food or "don’t have enough,” especially when we are told to only go out shopping when we need it. This goes against everything we are used to. Running to the store to grab a gallon of milk or pick up toilet paper is no longer a mindless activity.

Though it goes against that anxiety, we may often find ourselves also mindlessly snacking, mixing cocktails early in the day or overeating to bury that stress and anxiety. We don't have the coping skills in place to manage these feelings so we’re doing the best we can.

The best first step is to ADDRESS what the feeling is that's uncomfortable and work on THAT. (Usually this presents itself as anger, short temper, frustration with ourselves and/or our partner/kids.) Once the feeling is acknowledged and worked through, the urges to numb with food or alcohol will naturally drop off. This takes time and the most important piece is to offer yourself some grace during this process.

Let’s Talk About It.

Communication is at the root of all of this. Allowing ourselves to speak about our fears and anxiety is a step in the right direction. Reaching out and communicating the positives and negatives of the situation with others brings us all closer together in this time of isolation. All feelings are ​always​ allowed! ​If I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out. All of my information can be found ​here​.

The Certainty of Uncertainty

Doesn’t the title of this blog post say it all? We can be certain of the uncertainty in all of our lives right now. Though it seems as if we will never be back to normal, there are things we can start to consider as our lives and the world begin to slowly open back up.

What’s being observed

In my practice, clients have opened up to me about many topics that are troubling them right now. Every day it seems that there is one crisis unfolding after another. The news and social media stories can overwhelm us and cause “emotional whiplash” as we careen from one topic to the next.

The widening societal divide has resulted in lifelong friendships ending due to differences in opinions and ideologies. The loss of these mainstays can result in grief and upheaval. The same can be said of strained family relationships. As we have isolated with or without our family members new challenges have arisen. Spending so much time together can cause stress and open ourselves up to toxic behaviors. Conversely, not being able to spend time with family due to the isolation protocols can cause us guilt and grief as we find ourselves unable to be there physically for one another.

More bleak news

With all of these added stressors and uncertainty, the world is seeing a rise in addictions. As dependencies do, they can manifest in many forms. For example overuse of food, alcohol, exercise and even staying busy to the point of exhaustion. There is also an increase in the use of low dose psychiatric medications like Xanax and Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI) antidepressants.

We are all finding ourselves having overwhelming feelings of uncertainty and fear in these very untypical times. Up has become down, and sideways, and, well any which ways, hasn’t it?

There is HOPE

One of the most spirited outcomes of this stressful and difficult time, is that most of my clients have felt the need to shut down, isolate and become focused on the basics. Their priority lists have morphed into taking care of self/ family/ kids. A deeper sense of what is truly important to us is starting to evolve.

An example of these priorities is known as “Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs”.  The lowest, and most important level, is our Physiological Needs, like air, food, drink, shelter, clothing, warmth, sex, and sleep.

Next is our Safety Needs, such as order, predictability, and control in our lives which have normally been fulfilled by our families, police, schools, business, and health care. This manifests in our emotional and financial security, law and order, freedom from fear, social stability, health, and wellbeing.

Then come our Love and Belongingness Needs, such as friendship, intimacy, trust, and acceptance, receiving and giving affection and love. As well as being a part of a group, whether that is family, friends, or work.

Esteem and Self-actualization Needs are the highest, and less important, levels in Maslow's hierarchy. From dignity, achievement, and independence to the desire for status and prestige. These upper areas have become less and less dominant as we concentrate on taking care of the basic steps for ourselves and our families. 

The Important Certainties

“There is no harder, there is just hard. We need to stop ranking our hard against everyone else's hard to make us feel better or worse about…(ourselves)... and just commiserate on the fact that we all have hard.”-Ash Beckham

We must remember that right now we are all going through something. It can be easy to do so, but take a moment to step back, as we deal with wearing masks, social distancing and the like, and remember to not take things personally. 

As I frequently say, be kind to yourself. Many of us feel as if we have lost touch with those who were once an integral part of our social network. We have not done anything wrong or bad, we are, like everyone else, simply dealing with life.

And if you find yourself over-using a vice to cope with feelings, it's ok - be gentle with yourself & that internal dialogue that seems to be getting louder for so many. The strongest thing we can do for ourselves and the world right now, is to offer extreme self-compassion.

More HOPE

If our anxiety and depression have become overwhelming to the point that it concerns us and those around us, there is a therapeutic approach I’ve been finding myself recommending for many of my clients right now. It’s called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and can be defined as “unique in its emphasis on mindfulness and dialectical thinking. Rather than only treating symptoms as problems to be solved, DBT places an equally important emphasis on acceptance of experiences as they are in this moment.” Find more in-depth information here.

FIRST and foremost, let's keep prioritizing our own self-care and then focusing on the needs of our families mental health. Everything else will eventually fall into place and there is always help available.

One of the largest networks of mental health professionals is right here in Orange County & we are seeing clients nationwide due to the recent expansion of telehealth guidelines. Reaching out and communicating the positives and negatives of our situations with others brings us all closer together in this time of isolation. As I frequently say, all feelings are always allowed!  

If I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out.  All of my information can be found here. 

Be Mindful About Burnout

“I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take this anymore!” is a famous quote from the movie Network, where the on-air news anchor just can't take the stress anymore. A feeling I’m sure we can all relate to!

It’s a well-known fact, that the workplace can be a hotbed of stress, and that stress can lead to burnout. Deadlines, lack of control, unclear job expectations, bosses, and a dysfunctional environment are work pressures that can all lead to both mental and physical symptoms that, if left unaddressed, can make it difficult to function in day-to-day life. 

Recognizing Burnout

Are you feeling exhausted at the end of your workday? Have you started to hate your job and dread going in? Maybe you have begun to feel as if you are less capable of doing your job? These may all be signs of burnout.

Most of us spend the majority of our days working and when we don't get any satisfaction out of what we're doing, it can take a serious toll. Here are a few “symptoms” that may indicate burnout at work:

• Stress and frustration

• Headaches or stomach aches

• Feeling drained or emotionally exhausted

• Difficulty concentrating and feeling negative and cynical about work tasks

You can find a more in-depth definition and signs of burnout in this article by Steven Gans MD. 

The Fallout of Burnout

Ignoring the symptoms of job burnout may result in fatigue, insomnia, irritability, high blood pressure, and a lowered immune system. You may even find yourself dealing with your job stress with alcohol, drugs or even food.

Carrying that stress over into your home life can also happen.  Typically, when we’re not happy at our place of work, our relationships tend to suffer as well. As we all well know, ignoring something does not make it go away.

I absolutely love this quote from my friend and colleague Cayce Howe  - which really encapsulates what we can do to move forward through these times. 

Being Mindful

There are many ways of dealing with work pressures. Evaluating a job/career change and seeking support from co-workers, friends or loved ones might help you cope.  Another path that can help is Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR).  Let’s delve into what MBSR can do for workplace burnout and stress.

These two studies looked directly at whether mindfulness meditation might improve job satisfaction, work-related stress, and anxiety. They used MBSR training, sitting meditation, integration of mindfulness into their daily life, and other mindful tools to teach the participants how to deal with their work pressures. At the end of the trial, participants reported improved focus, “less perceived stress, improved physical and emotional health, enhanced sleep, better health-related habits and behaviors, and more self-compassion. What’s more, they also showed significant declines in blood cortisol levels and systolic and diastolic blood pressure, suggesting that both their minds and bodies were less stressed following the program.”

How It Works

Another study found that mindfulness meditation stimulated areas of the brain that may help control emotional reaction and attention and decreased blood levels of interleukin-6, which is associated with inflammatory disease risk. Through these studies, we have learned that meditation is a simple, scientifically validated exercise for your brain that enables you to put space between you and your emotions.  

All of this is to say that taking the time; through Mindfulness, can help to center and relieve stress and anxiety. We often speak about “having a moment to myself” and that is, at its very core - what mindfulness is. Carving out that time to be calm, present, self-aware and alert can carry over into work & home life, with many strong benefits to your health, career, and relationships.

Please remember you are not alone. There is so much strength in asking for help and working towards the life you want.  As always, if I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out! All of my information can be found here. 

Teens + Meditation

Did you know that May was Mental Health Awareness Month? And May 9th, specifically, was Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day? It’s been a very special month for the mental health community so if you didn’t hear, now you know for next year!

Though I don't work directly with children, I do work with many parents, teaching them behaviors that are often a wonderful model for their kids and teens. I believe that as children grow and mature, their mental health becomes just as important as their physical health. I see this as a consistent theme for my parental clients and something they are challenged with on a daily basis. Let’s face it- Raising kids is hard work and teens have enormously high standards set by society these days; especially with social media being so readily available.

The Facts

Statistics from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America show that around 80% of teens have a diagnosable anxiety disorder and 60% of teens with diagnosable depression are not receiving any help at all to deal with these, frequently, crippling conditions. The teen years are often fraught with anxiety and depression in varying degrees. Perhaps it is a phase that they’ll grow out of-However often, it can be something much more serious.

On a daily basis the teenage mind, which is yet to be fully formed- is dealing with grades, homework, sports, extracurricular activities, social interactions with their peers and perhaps even heartache. 1 in 8 of these teens has anxiety or depression that could be diagnosed. Teaching, modeling and supporting your child with coping mechanisms to deal with these stresses that are coming at them from all sides, may be a start towards a healthier mind set (for both of you)!

Meditation

I frequently suggest meditation as a tool for my clients to help with the overwhelm they feel as parents, as I have found it has helped me both personally and professionally in so many ways. Incorporating a meditation practice into my own life has provided me with insight into myself and also helps to set a firm foundation for how I start my day. I enjoy sharing this with my patients and find most are very receptive.  

For example, a colleague of mine, Dr. Monisha Vasa is the Psychiatrist who is referenced here which suggests using meditation as a tool for teens to work through anxiety.  There are meditation apps, classes, coaches and therapists that can give both you and your teen the mental resources you need. The article goes into more detail on these supportive methods; however, I highly recommend reading it for ideas on how to help if you have a teenager who’s struggling.

Joining with your teen and sharing their journey may help to allay the fear and uncertainty they’re feeling about the process of starting a meditation practice. Approaching them in a collaborative, rather than combative way, is a positive step you can take to start. Taking small steps to begin your own meditation routine will also help the beginning of their practice be less arduous and they’ll be less apt to add onto the stress and anxiety they’re already feeling. Setting manageable goals, with leniency when needed, will ease the pressure they are feeling.

Sticking with a consistent meditation practice has the opportunity to bring about many positive shifts for you both. One of the most important, is a closer bond with your child- as you are right there by their side! You and your teen may begin to feel more centered, calm and empathetic towards one another.  And, especially for them, learning how to regulate their emotions at a young age can assist with so many aspects of their future relationships, leading to healthier more fulfilling lives.

Final Inspiration

I found this insightful quote that does a wonderful job of explaining what meditation can help you and your teen. “The goal of meditation is not to get rid of thoughts or emotions. The goal is to become more aware of your thoughts and emotions and learn how to move through them without getting stuck.” - Dr. P. Goldin

As always, if I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out! All of my information can be found here.