Life Hack: REST

We often don’t realize how important sleep and rest are to our overall wellness until we aren’t getting enough of it. One in three adults in the US isn’t getting the rest they need which builds up more anxiety among those who fail to get enough sleep. The effects on our body of sleep deprivation can increase the severity of conditions like diabetes, hypertension, and obesity. New research has found that our pain threshold falls about 15 percent after just one night of insufficient rest. Sleep is an essential and healthy way for us all to “reset” our minds and bodies each night.

The Sleepy Signs

Do you find yourself yawning throughout the day? Have you noticed an increase in your moodiness, fatigue, irritability and/or depression? When we are sleep deprived we find it challenging to concentrate and often have a lack of motivation. Studies also show that an increase in our carb cravings and a decrease in our sex drive are signs that we aren’t getting the sleep we need.

Research suggests it should normally take about 10 to 20 minutes for us to drift off. Though if we find we’re thinking it's taking too long than it is, (and haven't we all been caught in that "I can't get to sleep... I have to get to sleep) loop?!  Essentially, the anxiety brought on by not sleeping is built by the anxiety of trying to get to sleep. This just builds and builds. It’s an unwanted, unproductive cycle.

Find a Routine

Whether you’re a night owl or a morning person, developing a sleep routine schedule will enable you to get the zzz’s you need. Here’s a suggestion: Begin by making your bedroom a sleep sanctuary. No screens, gentle lighting and a comfortable atmosphere are all ideas I suggest to my clients. Going to bed at the same time each night will also help ease you into dreamland. 

You can find more ideas to assist your nighttime rituals in this article by Holly Pevzner in Psychology Today. This routine doesn’t have to be an every night occurrence, as an all or nothing approach can also build anxiety and we don’t want that! In my experience, developing a healthy rest habit will have a positive effect on almost every area of your life.

Mindfulness

The bedtime routine you build can also be helped by starting a meditation/mindfulness practice. In this article by Ed Halliwell, his words ring very true. “In mindfulness practice, we train in letting go of our stories about stress and pain, learn that thoughts are not facts, and watch sensations change from moment to moment.”  Essentially, that letting go can enable us to slip more readily into slumber. Rather than fighting the anxiety, thus building more on top of more anxious thoughts, we can reduce the stress and increase the much needed hours of sleep.

The positive domino effects of taking the time to settle our minds, ease the tense and stiff physical impact our day may have had on us, are countless. Mindfulness and getting enough sleep work in tandem to guide us into our more alert, well-rested and ready for whatever our day may bring us, selves!

As always, if I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out! All of my information can be found here. 

Culitvating Our Relationships

“At such times the universe gets a little closer to us. They are strange times, times of beginnings and endings. Dangerous and powerful. And we feel it even if we don't know what it is. These times are not necessarily good, and not necessarily bad. In fact, what they are depends on what *we* are.”-Terry Pratchett

Isolation, social distancing, stay at home orders and quarantines have become our “new normal.” The closing in of our physical world can bring about introspection, meditation and self-improvement, in a perfect world of course. In reality however, this new reality- we are stressed, uncertain and anxious. There is no better time than now to become compassionate with ourselves so that we’re better able to support one another.

Looking In

When we talk about “self-compassion” we are talking about treating ourselves the way we would treat a friend who we look in on if they are having a hard time. Instead of getting angry with them/ourselves when they/we are uncertain or struggling, we take the time to listen to what they/we are feeling. 

It can be hard to imagine how this plays out for ourselves, so let’s think about it like this. Typically, one would check in on someone going through a divorce or loss, asking “How are you feeling? What can I do for you? Do you need anything?” Now let’s think of ourselves as that friend. We don’t get angry at them for feeling what they are feeling, and so we should feel the same way about ourselves. The feelings of anger and frustration at the current isolating situation are universal, and we can understand how others are feeling them. That makes it even more ok that we are feeling them, we have found our common humanity. 

Self-compassion is a strong tool for building our own empathy and transforming our thoughts into positive affirmations. The transforming effects of this practice, which can give us the strength to strive in an overwhelming time, are delved into in more depth in this informative article from Mindful.org.

Looking Out

When we are taking space that is needed to recognize this is something others are struggling with, we can reach out for support.  One of the most beautiful things we are seeing right now is the use of video conferencing and messaging on Zoom or Facebook Messenger- for family and friends to check in, catch up and assist one another through this challenging time.

Humans are social creatures, and isolation can be damaging to both our mental and physical health. When we are socially isolated our sleep and eating patterns can become disrupted. This can cause a snowball effect where we are more likely to feel depressed. By sharing with others in video chats, messaging and phone calls we can disrupt the disruption! We or others may have found ways of dealing with these issues that we then share with one another. Essentially, we build a support system for one another. It’s an excellent opportunity for a very beautiful thing in an extremely difficult time.

We Eat We Drink We Worry

These disruptions are often manifested in our need to self soothe with food or alcohol in times of stress and overwhelming uncertainty. Many of us are worried that we are "running out" of food or "don’t have enough,” especially when we are told to only go out shopping when we need it. This goes against everything we are used to. Running to the store to grab a gallon of milk or pick up toilet paper is no longer a mindless activity. 

Though it goes against that anxiety, we may often find ourselves also mindlessly snacking, mixing cocktails early in the day or overeating to bury that stress and anxiety. We don't have the coping skills in place to manage these feelings so we’re doing the best we can.

The best first step is to ADDRESS what the feeling is that's uncomfortable and work on THAT. (Usually this presents itself as anger, short temper, frustration with ourselves and/or our partner/kids.) Once the feeling is acknowledged and worked through, the urges to numb with food or alcohol will naturally drop off.  This takes time and the most important piece is to offer yourself some grace during this process. 

Let’s Talk About It

Communication is at the root of all of this. Allowing ourselves to speak about our fears and anxiety is a step in the right direction. Reaching out and communicating the positives and negatives of the situation with others brings us all closer together in this time of isolation. All feelings are always allowed!  If I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out.  All of my information can be found here. 

Summer Self-Care

It's the time of year where kids--and teachers--can’t peel their eyes away from the clock. As each minute passes, they’re another minute closer to that sweet release: summer vacation. But while your kids are eagerly awaiting a 2 month break from homework and tests, your reality is about to change, too: no school means the kids are home more frequently. And that means less “you” time. Right?

Well, maybe not.

Summer vacation is one of the few times during the year where it is easy (or at least, easier) to get the family together for a road trip or family vacation. After all, since the kids are out of school, there’s no need to worry about missed assignments or falling behind in class. There’s no doubt that time spent together as a family is valuable.

However, if you’re a parent of school-aged kids, you’re probably used to having a bit more time to yourself, at least during normal school hours. But summer vacation changes all of that. No school means you don’t have those precious few minutes of quiet time between getting the kids out the door and heading off to work.

As much fun as it is to spend extra time together as a family during summer vacation, it's important to make sure you’re taking some time to yourself during these months, too.

Here are a few ideas:

Set Quiet Times

One easy way to make sure you’re getting enough time for yourself this summer is to set up Quiet Times for the family. Depending on how old your kids are, this could be anywhere from 15 minutes to over an hour. During this time, everyone must be involved in a quiet activity. This could involve reading quietly, working on a puzzle, or drawing for the kids, and a nap, coffee, or cocktail for you. Quiet Time not only gets you some much-needed alone time, but it is also great for the kids to figure out ways to entertain themselves without Mom or Dad having to do all the leg work.

Play Dates

As the parent of school-aged kids, remember that if you want quiet time, so do your kids’ friend’s Mom and Dad. A great way to get some R&R is to coordinate playdates (or better yet--sleepovers) with the parents of your kids’ friends.

The beauty of this is that you’re essentially getting a free babysitter for anywhere from a few hours to a whole night! This, of course, comes with the expectation that you’ll return the favor to the other parents at some point during the summer, but isn’t that small price to pay for some peace and quiet?

Adult-Only Nights

Whether it is time with your spouse or going out with friends, getting some adult interaction is also considered “me time.” Coordinate with friends and arrange a babysitter to come to the house for a few hours so you and your spouse can get out of the house on a double date or just be partners in crime for a little bit. The kids will be well-taken care of, and you’ll revel in the freedom that comes with Date Night.

As the days get warmer and the sun sets later, be sure to enjoy the time with your family, but don’t forget that recharging your batteries is essential to being the best parent and spouse you can be!